Archive for October, 2007

Portraits of New Yorkers #2

October 24, 2007


NAME: Kit Schlossberger

HOBBIES: Subversive knitting. Cardio Burlesque.

LIKES: Fire-eaters. Anklets.

DISLIKES: Apathy. Ironic bingo.

PROFESSIONAL AFFILIATIONS: Greenwood Cemetery Dance Ensemble. Urban Spelunking Circle. The Historic Roller Derby Preservation Society.



October 23, 2007

The wonder that is websurfing. So, first I check in on a video that I love, in which “Milwaukee Dancing Sensations!” Myke and Debbie perform a wondrously stunt-filled and awkward-yet-enthusiastic dance routine to the strains of “Last Dance” by Donna Summer. Speaking of strains, I worry about Myke, who, according to a helpful YouTube commentator, has had “two total hip replacements”. Another commentator mentions that this tasty team appears in a music video, so I click and find myself viewing the haunting video for “You Don’t Know Her Name” by Maps, directed by Töben Seymour. It features a statuesque robot girl competing in a Dance-a-Thon.

I go back for another dose of Myke and Debbie and find reference to director Frank L. Anderson, who is the cameraman on the dance clip. This leads me to the discovery that he has co-directed The Life of Reilly. Who knew there was a film coming out that will document for posterity Charles Nelson Reilly’s one man show Save it For the Stage? And that it opens at Cinema Village on November 16th? I can’t wait! (I always prefered him to Paul Lynde, as far as pioneering over-the-top gay television actors go.) The other director of The Life of Reilly turns out to be one Barry Poltermann, who was editor of the infamous struggling artiste documentary American Movie. All in all, a satisfying hour of web-induced stimulation. I will now go catch my breath and contemplate the place of self-delusion in contemporary pop culture as well as the fickleness of fame.

PS: Congratulate me, for I now know how to code an umlaut in html.

Sometimes I Play with Gouache

October 19, 2007

Most of my illustrations are done in an odd way. I sketch in pencil and then cover the drawing with a sheet of of rubylith, cut away the “white” parts, scan it, and clean it up in digital form. But sometimes I just want to paint, so I play with gouache. Such a lovely word to say: you pronounce it g-wash! I love it so much that I wrote a poem in praise of gouache:

Gouache, Gouache
Oh gee, oh gosh
From the moment that I wake
It makes my poor heart ache
For it takes the cake
And it’s quite opaque

Gouache, Gouache
I say “pish posh”
To watercolor blush
Which makes some people gush
But does not give me the rush
That gouache does on my brush

Creative Maverick Seeks Personal Assistant

October 18, 2007

Do you have what it takes? Are you hungry for success? Can you fold a tarp? Renaissance Man/Visionary Imagineer /Certified Public Accountant/Aspiring Aerialist looking for a Gal/Guy Friday with can-do attitude and preference for snaps over buttons, not adverse to testy Pugs. Heavy lifting of perpetual motion machine required. Applicant should be a self-motivator, with nerves of steel and a gentle lilting brogue.

Working knowledge of Excel, Quark, PowerPoint, and succulents required. Familiarity with Elizabethan period silver a plus. You may be asked to hand stitch monograms. Due to my extreme sensitivity to odors, you must use unscented deodorant and detergent at all times and avoid perfume, cologne, and particularly the insidious reek of eau de toilette. You may not exhale in my presence.

Schedule flexibility essential, as you will need to be available at a moment’s notice, 24/7, including nights, weekends, and all religious and secular holidays (except for Winter Solstice, when I take the day off to attend Paul Winter’s Earth Music at Cathedral of St. John the Divine.) Duties will include scheduling, screening calls, silicon rubber calendering, warming of soothing (unscented) balms. Potential candidates must handle pressure gracefully and remain poised when I occasionally curl up into a tiny ball and request hand feeding.

No pay to start, but potential for spiritual growth, mastery of your fate, and a unique opportunity to realign cosmic energies through the media of fine endpaper marbling and tango. If you believe “life is an adventure” then this is not the job for you, as you are a bit too Pollyanna-ish for my taste. Discretion is required as certain elements within an obscure monastic order are currently conspiring to wrest control of my thoughts. I don’t like crybabies. Prepare to be inspired.

Respond with cover letter, CV, tongue scraping. Attached an essay of no more than 500 words on the subject “Why Paul Winter is a Genius”. Please note that submissions that do not follow these guidelines will not be considered; in fact, they will be burnt to a crisp inside a fiery furnace. No phone calls—and please stop that dastardly scratching at my door!

Derek’s Big Relaunched Archive of Wal-Mart Purchase Receipts!

October 17, 2007

I am happy to report that one of my favorite websites of all time has been resurrected: Derek’s Big Archive of Wal-Mart Purchase Receipts. From 1996 through 2002, Derek Dahlsad posted every single one of his Walmart receipts online and allowed visitors to comment on the contents. What developed was part soap opera, part sociological study: a group jam on everything from the significance of Dri-Bottoms to the proper plural form of the word Slinky. Not to mention heartfelt concern over the comings and goings of a roster of ever-changing Wal-Mart managers. It was strangely emotional following Derek’s life via his shopping habits. When he stopped buying Ultra Maxi Pads, it was a clue that something was up with his marriage. Bingo. He got divorced and for a while he was raising his daughter on his own. The entire site disappeared in November of 2002 but Derek recently decided to put it back up for public perusal. I am happy to report that Derek is remarried and has other web projects going. I am quite fond of Voices From the Thriftshop which archives the eerie voices of complete strangers found on various thrift shop reel-to-reel and cassette tapes.

Portraits of New Yorkers #1

October 11, 2007


NAME: Amanda DeLaPorte

HOBBIES: Polishing shoes. Taking a deep breath.

LIKES: Pickled Ginger. Express elevators.

DISLIKES: Type B personalities. Lint.

PROFESSIONAL AFFILIATIONS: New York Women in Black, The I-Could-Have- Gotten-Into-Harvard Club.

Secrets of Stairway to Stardom

October 11, 2007

You should always start off the day with a song. I suggest “Hairdresser” by Lucille Cataldo. This clip is getting major traffic on You Tube. It is from “Stairway to Stardom”, an old public access talent show where lovably earnest performers got to strut their stuff under the benevolent direction of happy-go-lucky Frank Masi and his bubbly wife, Tillie. If you want to know more about this phenomenon, you can listen to an interview with my boyfriend, Mitch Friedman, who along with his friend Doug Miller, are the devoted archivists and digitizers of hours upon hours of this cringe-worthy show biz showcase. And here I am in my custom-made Hal Green Memorial T-shirt. He was a WILD MAN!